Joy A. Mead

As I stood on the playground at pick up, I could see that look in my boy’s eyes that said things weren’t great at school. I knew exactly what he was going to say in words—a classmate had pushed him around, again.

My son has been in the same primary school since nursery and unfortunately, he has been in a class of children prone to disruptive misbehavior. The noise in the classroom has been annoying but tolerable for him. It’s the bullying that really started to make school a challenge.

Luke has not experienced it daily, but certainly weekly with kids from his class trying to dominate power in the classroom and on the playground. And sadly, most of the boys in his class have been of the pushing, shoving, getting-in-your-face sort of kind. That behavior has never suited Luke’s personality himself, and I’m afraid it has made him a target by some of the other boys.

Surprisingly, one of the most recent incidents has been with the son of one of my friends. Her boy and Luke had always been on goods terms with each other even though they didn’t regularly play together. Though awkward, I immediately and without hesitation, messaged my friend to get her son’s side of the story. She reacted with shock that her boy could possibly behave with pushing and shoving toward my boy, let alone anyone else. Upon speaking with him, her son denied any wrongdoing and insisted all behavior had been kept friendly. This was certainly not my son’s perspective!

Meanwhile, I messaged Luke’s teacher who had conversations with my son directly and also with a few boys who had been recently pushing him about. It didn’t instantly remove the bad treatment, however, there has been some overall improvement for him. 

It’s challenging when there is a difference of opinions about a situation, and children have very different stories. All I can think of with regard to my friend’s son is that he and Luke must have vastly differing ideas about what kind of behavior is acceptable. He is certainly a friendly child, but it doesn’t mean that everything he does is deemed as friendly behavior. It’s fine that they each have different boundaries on what treatment they accept from others. Children, and adults alike, must also be aware of how they treat others and adjust their behavior if it is hurting someone or making them feel uncomfortable.

Do I regret making a fuss about the mistreatment of my son? Absolutely not! Luke needed an advocate to stand up for him and that is one hundred percent part of my role as his mama, to keep looking out for him and his sister to the best of my ability. Beyond the awkwardness and worrying about how other parents might react, I have a duty to be an advocate for my children—whether that be at school, church, the doctor’s office, or anywhere else. By doing so, I am teaching my children that it is more than okay, and needed, to stand up for themselves when something is not right. They don’t just have to tolerate things which are wrong or not in their best interest.

Long from now, when playground incidents are not the issue at hand, I hope my son will always remember that I, his mama, loved him deeply and bravely chose to advocate on his behalf when things weren’t right. And may my standing up for Luke enable him to learn to become his own advocate someday and even an advocate for others he might encounter within his lifetime.