Joy A. Mead

The hopes and fears of all the years,

Are met in thee tonight.

These beautiful lyrics from the Christmas carol, O Little Town of Bethlehem, have been dancing in my heart throughout the month of December.

Since American Thanksgiving, my dear grandmother has been slowly declining. At ninety-six years old, it was expected that she wouldn’t be able to go on living forever; however, the reality of her getting closer to heaven has been a bittersweet path for my family to walk. 

She had a short hospital stay after Thanksgiving and entered hospice care shortly upon her discharge back to her care home. Her physical body was starting to show signs of making her last journey towards her eternal home with Jesus.

Living in England, I have felt a deep sadness in knowing that I’m simply too far to just travel over to California for a visit with my grandma. And from keeping in touch regularly with my parents, we suspected that this might indeed be her time to go on to heaven.

On the 14th of December with Christmas preparations at full speed, I paused that afternoon to spend time with Jesus, open up my Bible, and pray for my Grandma. I was instantly drawn to the praise of God offered by Simeon upon holding baby Jesus at the temple. Having waited many years and believing that He would see the Messiah before his death, I can only imagine the immense joy he felt deep in his soul as he declared:

Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,

you now dismiss your servant in peace.

For my eyes have seen your salvation,

which you have prepared in the sight of all people,

a light for revelation to the Gentiles

and for glory to your people Israel.

Luke 2:29-32

Tears flowed freely that afternoon because just like Simeon’s declaration, I felt that the Holy Spirit was dismissing my grandma in peace. I started my grief journey that day, knowing that the next time I will see Grandma will be in heaven. Vividly, I was reminded that day that we often carry, equally, grief and joy in our hearts—that God walks this mixed journey of emotions with us as He lovingly carries each of us. 

On the 20th of December, I accompanied my son and his year 3 class to the Natural History Museum, just the day before the school holidays were to start. Later that same day, Grandma made her final journey home—in peace, she left earthly life and was welcomed into eternity all thanks to her Lord and Savior, Jesus. My heart was at peace, knowing that she had lived such a full life and that God had so gently and lovingly brought Grandma to her eternal home. 

I wrote the following poem as a tribute to my grandma and the happy, thankful years that we were honored to have spent with her:

Going Home

I’m going home today.

Life has been a long, winding road towards my forever home.

Walking this earth with my candle growing dim, I hear Him say:

“The hourglass is running out of sand, no matter how far you roam.”

A daughter, a student, a friend, a worker, a wife. 

A mother, an auntie, a grandma, and a great grandma too. 

I have juggled these roles nine and a half decades, throughout my earthly life.

Yet, now it is time to say my goodbyes for I’m off to something new.

This life that I’ve lived has been all I’ve known.

It’s been wonderfully genuine and real as ever. 

Bittersweet smiles and tears flood the beautiful memories I own. 

I will not forget each milestone, no never.

Still the Father above has beckoned me, “Come”.

There’s eternity waiting with unending love.

Fully whole, I know I shall become.

God’s peace swirls around me like wings of a dove.

I’m set to make this final journey. 

There is nothing to fear.

Blessed assurance I have, knowing I’m ready.

Forever with Jesus awaits and my future is clear.

Farewell to my beloved ones.

This is my time to gather my years lived and memories sown.

I’m off taking strides in my very last earthly run.

Welcomed with grace and love, I’m finally home.

Perhaps you or someone you know has faced the death of a loved one over the holiday season and your heart aches. And maybe that death has now caused you to think of your own fragility and the reality that each one of us will face that final journey someday. Our lives are held within the balance of joy and grief, hopes and fears.

May that one beautiful lyric of O Little Town of Bethlehem bring comfort to your soul as it has done to mine this Christmastime. May you find peace knowing that God sees you and cares for you with an everlasting love—that for those who believe in Jesus, death is only the entrance into eternity. 

May we comprehend that no matter what comes our way, our future is entirely safe and secure when Jesus is our Lord and Savior. May we know that the hopes and fears of each year lived are truly met in Jesus coming to earth—our savior, helper, friend, and advocate through life’s winding journey.

Joy and grief, hope and fear—as we hold all of these emotions in various levels, may we each take comfort with the knowledge that God is holding tightly to each of us, his children. No matter what 2024 has for us, may our goals be to know God’s love more deeply, his compassion and comfort more dearly, and his wisdom and perspective more clearly for the new year to come.