Joy A. Mead

In late July 2013, I wrote the following letter to the blossoming baby growing within me. I didn’t even know if we were having a girl or a boy, since we really wanted to be surprised! I’m not sure how the time has flown by so quickly, yet, here we are celebrating our sweet girl’s tenth birthday! Here’s my humble offering of my love and excitement, written in words, and captured at the beginning of my motherhood.

Baby, you are a miracle—from praying about your conception to my first inkling that I might be pregnant, God has had a special plan for you in our lives.

It’s been quite the journey in growing closer to your father and God. It’s also been easy to worry about you and your progress along the way, especially in the first few weeks leading up to our first scan.  Still, this whole journey throughout the pregnancy has been about me letting go and trusting Jesus, that he is fully in charge of the situation and is watching over your little life.

You were my Christmas present!  About ten days before Christmas, I was due for my next period, however, I was late—and I am never late.  That weekend was the Christmas Carols service at St. Cuthbert’s Church and I, your mummy, read the Scripture verses where the angel Gabrielle appears to Mary and tells her that she will become pregnant by the Holy Spirit and bear Jesus, God’s Son. I can hardly describe my feelings that weekend, but I knew God was doing something very special and that He was preparing us to have you.

Three days passed and there was no sign of my monthly cycle, so your daddy rushed to the store and bought a home pregnancy test.  We anxiously waited for the test results which almost instantly produced two very dark, red lines indicating a little baby was just starting to develop inside my body!  A week later we were still trying to comprehend the fact that you were growing in me, so we did another home test, and sure enough, the two dark lines showed up again!  We announced you to Papa and Annie as well as Grandad and Nanny, who were all thrilled at the news! 

The next weeks were filled with quiet anticipation as we kept you a secret until the first scan.  I stopped eating smoked salmon, Brie cheese, and Caesar salad as questionable foods that could be harmful to you.  I also developed a metallic taste in my mouth, as if I was sucking on a piece of stainless steel, and it tainted the flavors of all the foods that I would normally like.  I recall also “going off” lots of foods which simply didn’t taste good and some nights you and I ate instant noodles or macaroni & cheese when poor daddy had to make his own dinner.  I did plenty of worrying over your development and if everything was okay with you inside my womb. 

After keeping quiet for so long, we had a good 12-week scan and it was absolutely amazing to see you on the screen! I was advised to drink tons of water before the scan to get a clear image, but I must have drunk too much water as I was absolutely dying of pain in the waiting room with a bunch of other pregnant ladies.  It got so bad that I had to release some but not all the fluid.  That was incredibly hard to do!  When we were finally brought into the scan room, the midwife commented on how full my bladder was and that I could go relieve myself.  I felt so much better and then she told me she could not believe it but my bladder had filled itself up again and I had to make another trip to the loo!  On the third try, she was finally able to get a clear scan of you! 

Baby, you were dancing and doing somersaults and all sorts of moves which just made me laugh!  After all those weeks, here was clear evidence that yes, God was truly growing a lovely baby in me and that you were growing nicely and healthily. 

At weeks 18 to 20, you took your first airplane ride to California, USA. That’s where I come from and your Papa and Annie were so thrilled to see your progress with a little distinctive bump starting to emerge from my tummy. That was when I first felt your movements—they were as delicate as butterfly wings brushing the inside of my stomach or champagne bubbles fizzing away in me.

Back home in England, I started to really feel some strong kicks and movement.  Into the second trimester, you really had a growth spurt and the baby bump became more visible.  Between weeks 24 and 28, you really put on a show with your moves.  I think you must have been practicing gymnastics or boxing, as your kicks and pops were so distinctive and strong. 

From that moment onward until now, your movements have been more like whole body shuffling, and we can see limbs popping out at the sides of my tummy and from side to side.  How you have developed and each appointment at 4-week intervals has been incredible to hear your steady heartbeat and to check your positioning.  Baby, you really are a miracle!

I am now off from work on maternity leave and having carried you for 36.5 weeks, we have just 3.5 to go!  In Jesus, we can do this baby.  Naturally, I am nervous to go through labour, but I am so excited to meet you. Your daddy and I want to be the best parents we can be to you. There is an increasing faith growing inside us that reminds us God wants you in our lives, and despite our inadequacies, somehow God thinks we can do this job of becoming parents. 

You probably won’t appreciate all of this for many years to come, maybe not even until you are married and are having kids of your own.  The fact that I, your mummy, didn’t even grow up here but lived a country and a world away but still God chose to bring your daddy and I together.  We had to overcome many hurdles with getting married, getting a visa, moving country, and for me, saying goodbye to California family and friends.  We lived with your Grandad and Nanny for the first year of marriage together and saved our money to put toward a deposit on our first property.  Exactly a year later, God blessed us with the ability to purchase our very own charming flat.  Through help from your US and UK grandparents and a lot of prayer, we were able to have a space of our own.  We have had some lovely memories here, and it will always be special as it was our first home that your daddy and I made together.

I am a bit sentimental as our lives are about to change soon.  We are eagerly expecting your arrival, preparing the flat for sale, and looking forward to a family home for all of us.  It’s a lot to process, and sometimes, I wonder how God will work it all out. But then again, he always has so I have no reason to doubt. I know you will probably never remember your first home except for photos, but I want you to be thankful for your beginnings, Baby. 

Know that we love you so much already and that we will continue to be the best parents and providers for you that we can be. You are very much in our hearts, and we look forward to meeting you very soon!

Love always,

Mummy